Oh, Dana! Waiting & Wondering

Oh, Dana!
I met this guy ten years ago. We recently reconnected and he contacted me for a date. He sent me a text asking to reschedule
because he was sick. Then, he canceled our rescheduled date with another text saying he was unwell. Should I wait to hear back
from him or move on?
Waiting & Wondering

Dear Waiting & Wondering,
Is this man prone to illness? It sounds like he needs to reevaluate his wellness plan if he’s getting sick so frequently. You might want to send him some vitamins or some of those packets of that powder you add to your water to boost your immunity. Just kidding. Don’t send that man anything except the silent treatment when he contacts you for another date. After a decade of not speaking, you’d think that he’d be on his A-game if he was legitimately interested. The fact that he flaked out, not once, but twice makes me think that he’s not taking it seriously. Okay, maybe he is sick, but I doubt it. It’s so easy to just shoot someone a text claiming that you’re sick. Did you see a video or picture with him looking sick? Did he call you and sound like he was on death’s door? Did you get a note from his doctor? No? Then, I’m almost positive he’s lying. On the other hand, maybe he’s telling you the truth. He said he was “sick” and “unwell.” He could be talking about his mental status and if that’s the case, he’s being completely forthcoming. Either way, you don’t want to date this man. To answer your question, move on. Better yet, run, run, run away from this man who has red flags written all over him. It might be me projecting my Daddy issues, but the fact that he so glibly disappoints you gets under my skin. If he’s alright with letting you down in the beginning stages of the relationship, what makes you think his behavior is going to improve? You’re waiting on him now and you’re not even together. Imagining yourself weeks or years down the road waiting on him to show up to a restaurant, a family function, your wedding ceremony, or the birth of your child. No, thank you! Save yourself the heartbreak and shut it down before you invest precious time and money wasted in therapy having to recover from this self-absorbed, narcissist. A person that disappoints you, in the beginning, will continue to disappoint you until the end. Believe me, he’s not worth it.

What the heck has he been doing for the past decade anyway? What took him so long to reach out? Was he incarcerated? Did he
just get a divorce? Was he on a healing mission in India? More likely than not, he was scrolling through his phone and decided to reach out to anyone that he thought he might have a chance with, and your name popped up. This situation screams, “Proceed with caution.” This guy sounds like he’s a little boy playing games. You need a man. Despite their age, some guys never mature to manhood and stay stagnant in the boy stages indefinitely. You want a man who’s going to show up. He’s going to be so excited to meet you and take you out that he’ll arrive early or even pick you up. I hear so many women share their stories of heartbreak and years wasted on men that weren’t good enough for them because they didn’t pay attention to the warning signs in the beginning. Let’s talk about the value of time and how you can’t get it back. People that can’t manage time show a complete disregard for something so sacred. I bet you didn’t make plans twice because you already made them with him. His lack of respect for your time prevented you from doing something meaningful. If he was so “unwell” he should have let you know beforehand instead of keeping you waiting and canceling at the last minute. His actions show a serious lack of judgment and disregard for not only other people’s time but their feelings.

Dana Buckmir aka “Oh, Dana!” Dana is the author of the memoir “Plenty of Laughs: One Woman’s Journey Navigating the Online Dating Waters. The book is a comical account on dating in the age of technology, including the compelling story of finding love online. You can find a sample of her book at https://danabuckmir.com/Dana wants to help people with their lives, love, and everything in-between! She is taking your questions at Contact@danabuckmir.com All submissions are anonymous.
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