Dana Buckmir
Dana Buckmir

Oh, Dana!

I’m a 37-year-old divorced man trying to date online. I have no ex-wife drama or kids. I own a business. I’d describe myself as a funny, romantic, and loyal guy. I want a family, but all of the women I meet aren’t sure what they want or prefer casual dating. I’ve tried Tinder, Bumble, Ok Cupid, POF, Hinge, and Match, but nothing amounts to anything except a few dates. What are women looking for? More importantly, how do I find what I’m looking for? 


Only to Be with You

Dear Only to Be with You,

I know it’s frustrating that you still haven’t found what you’re looking for. (I couldn’t help the U2 reference.) You’re not alone. We’re all searching for something or someone to add fulfillment to our lives. Some of us find it. Some of us don’t. It’s just part of the human condition. 

My first suggestion is to pump the brakes. You have time to start a family. If you were a woman, we’d be having a completely different conversation. As a man, you have the freedom to slow down and remove some of the pressure you place on yourself to find, “the one.” When you go with the flow things are more likely to fall into place. 

I commend you for putting in the work. You’ve cast a wide net in the online dating waters. Too bad you keep catching guppies. My advice: throw them back and keep fishing. 

I’m sure that by now you’re well-versed with dating profiles. Remember to select that you’re interested in a long-term relationship to exclude you from matching with women that don’t have the same relationship desires. You described yourself as a funny guy. Believe me, you’re going to need that sense of humor when you start sifting through some of the less desirable profiles and realize that the waters are more polluted than you expected. From my experience, a sense of humor is a must when you’re dating online. Remind yourself that dating is supposed to be fun and it’s all about making connections. Never lose hope that your person is out there waiting to meet you.

What do women want? That’s the age-old question that men have been trying to figure out since the beginning of time. I’m not sure it can be answered because there isn’t a one-size-fits-all response. Women want several things depending on their personality, chemistry, age, and timing. I’m not sure there’s a science to it. The one thing we know for certain is you. Since you’ve already identified your needs, let’s focus on what you can do to get the relationship that you want. You’re already doing most of the work. You’ve signed up for the dating apps. You’ve put yourself out there. You’ve made your intentions clear. Now, let the universe work its magic.

The best advice I can give you is to keep trying. Go on every date with an open mind and heart. You’ll meet your future wife at exactly the time that you’re supposed to. Until then, sit back and enjoy the ride.

Dana Buckmir aka “Oh, Dana!” Dana is the author of the memoir “Plenty of Laughs: One Woman’s Journey Navigating the Online Dating Waters. The book is a comical account on dating in the age of technology, including the compelling story of finding love online. You can find a sample of her book at https://danabuckmir.com/Dana wants to help people with their lives, love, and everything in-between! She is taking your questions at Contact@danabuckmir.com All submissions are anonymous.